måndag 12 januari 2015

I get tired of things

I get tired of things quickly.
Before I start reading a book/watch a movie, I need to know that it is good, so that I won't quit halfway through.
If I don't get hooked after the first episode of a series/anime then it is not worth my time.
I give up on games that become repetitive.

I need variation, and to be allowed to play with what I do. This is why I find things fun until I get so invested in them that I'm forced into theory-crafting. When I have to do things in a certain way, because it is mathematically proved to give the best result; when I have to follow a certain tactic and keep up with the meta-game. I wish I had the patience for it, because it looks fun to be so invested in a thing, but I don't.

I only capable of doing something for a few days before I get tired of it, or realize that I have to start theory-crafting. This has been true with everything I've done; except for two things: LARP and Cosplay.

I was LARPing before I started with cosplay (and playing pen and paper RPGs even before that). It was fun, playful, and creative. It was the best thing I knew and I thought I would be LARPing my entire life.

But one day I came in contact with the backside of LARPing: elitism.
I started to see that there existed hierarchies, where only those on the top got the really fun intrigues. There also existed elitism about the crafting; you had to use the correct fabrics, design, and techniques; if you didn't handstich then you aren't dedicated enough; you have to sleep in-character; you have to be fluent in elvish/orcish.

By the end of my LARP career I had started to get in contact with cosplay. I went to one last LARP that turned out to be my best one ever. Then I quit.
I was LARPing for 6 years.

Cosplay had all the fun aspects from LARP, but there where no restrictions on material. I got hooked on cosplay because I got to make cool costumes and get recognition for it without having to use a very specific material, or worry about the design (the design is in the reference pictures, it is just to make sure I look like that). I also didn't have to endure mud, cold weather, and 24/7 roleplay.

Yet again I had found the best thing I knew.
I have now been cosplaying for 5 years, almost as long as I was LARPing before I quit.

Something has happened during the last year. I have become more and more involved behind the stage as judge and “convention critic”. I have also felt that I have lost contact with the fun part of cosplay. In my head everything has become critique and judging (even when I'm not an actual judge). The magic is gone. And (before Jupiter 2.0) I had not created a new cosplay in over 1.5 years. To be a judge has been/is prestigious, but it has also made me see cosplay in a different way, and I don't know if it a good thing.

I want to go back to a time when cosplay was fun, and when competitions where magical.

Where do I want to get with all this?
Cosplay and LARP has been the only things that I didn't immediately get tired of. But I -did- get tired of one of them. After 6 years I quit LARPing, and now after 5 years of cosplay I've started to look around for new things to do.

I fear that if I can't reignite the fun and magical in cosplay, then I risk getting tired and quitting.

This is why my cosplay-goal for 2015 is to bring back the magic.

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